| What do us right-minded conservatives and | | | | life into me. And think of the farts! Too |
| those Beaujolais-drinking, | | | | indignant. |
| terrorist-appeasing, Yalta-forfeiting | | | | |
| liberals have in common? We're all going to | | | | After the cremation, I got down to business |
| die sooner or later. Showing respect for the | | | | researching the different suspension lift |
| dead can come in many forms, but I've figured | | | | kits on the market. I looked into Fabtech, |
| out how I'm going to pay homage to my kith | | | | Superlift, Trailmaster and Rancho, but I was |
| and kin. I'm going to immortalize them by | | | | weirdly drawn to the Skyjacker lift kits. |
| lifting my Silverado. | | | | It's hard to explain, but I could almost see |
| | | | my dad's smiling face in the profile of the |
| Ben Franklin, that crusty old crawdad of | | | | cast iron steering knuckles. The connection I |
| American Democracy, may have been bright, but | | | | felt was so strong that I even tried to get |
| does that mean that his maxim about death and | | | | in touch with someone over at Skyjacker about |
| taxes is unquestionable? Not entirely. Grover | | | | having some of my father's remains injected |
| Norquist and the other patriots down at the | | | | into the Platinum 9000 Shocks I was going to |
| Americans for Tax Reform offices are hard at | | | | get. No one seemed to take me seriously. It's |
| work doing away with the tyranny of the IRS. | | | | probably for the best, though. Who knows what |
| However, not even the tag team efforts of | | | | kind of havoc those little bits of bones |
| Newt Gingrich and Leo Strauss could eliminate | | | | might reek on the wafer valving. |
| the natural act of bucket kicking. Faced with | | | | |
| the unavoidable specter of death, the | | | | The installation took a couple of days, but |
| question that all of us must ask ourselves is | | | | that's because I was trying to work as |
| how should we mourn the passing of our loved | | | | reverentially as possible. For the finishing |
| ones? Crying is unavoidable at first. I'm not | | | | touch, I broke out my Dremel and etched my |
| ashamed to admit that I bawled an oil-drum's | | | | dad's name, Ralph, into the crossmember. He'd |
| worth of tears the day that the Gipper left | | | | have been damn proud. And on the maiden |
| us for that big movie set in the sky. But | | | | voyage, I drove my mobile memorial over to |
| what comes next? | | | | the lakefront promenade for a couple of laps. |
| | | | Thanks to the 5" of extra ground clearance, |
| When my father passed, I couldn't get out of | | | | hopping the parking lot curb was child's |
| bed for three days. I just laid on my side | | | | play. Even on the stairs leading down to the |
| sobbing and my only nourishment came from | | | | walkway, the shocks didn't fade or foam out. |
| Nutella and Gatorade. One idea kept running | | | | It was like dad's spirit was buttressing my |
| through my mind as I was holed up-I couldn't | | | | every maneuver. |
| let my pa be forgotten. When I re-emerged, I | | | | |
| knew exactly what I could do to immortalize | | | | I am a man who thrives on tradition, and I |
| my old man. I would lift my rig in his honor. | | | | plan on championing this new custom. For |
| Sure, I could have donated a marble bench in | | | | example, I really could use some steering |
| his honor down along the lakefront promenade | | | | stabilizers and a set of desert tires, and I |
| where he used to love to stroll. But I | | | | have a couple of ill aunts out on the East |
| couldn't stomach the idea of all those | | | | Coast who I'm sure would appreciate being |
| strangers plopping their rears down on the | | | | venerated in my chassis. Everyone wins. |
| everlasting memorial to the man who breathed | | | | |