| What do us right-minded conservatives and those | | | | who breathed life into me. And think of the farts! |
| Beaujolais-drinking, terrorist-appeasing, Yalta-forfeiting | | | | Too indignant. |
| liberals have in common? We're all going to die sooner | | | | After the cremation, I got down to business |
| or later. Showing respect for the dead can come in | | | | researching the different suspension lift kits on the |
| many forms, but I've figured out how I'm going to | | | | market. I looked into Fabtech, Superlift, Trailmaster |
| pay homage to my kith and kin. I'm going to | | | | and Rancho, but I was weirdly drawn to the |
| immortalize them by lifting my Silverado. | | | | Skyjacker lift kits. It's hard to explain, but I could |
| Ben Franklin, that crusty old crawdad of American | | | | almost see my dad's smiling face in the profile of the |
| Democracy, may have been bright, but does that | | | | cast iron steering knuckles. The connection I felt was |
| mean that his maxim about death and taxes is | | | | so strong that I even tried to get in touch with |
| unquestionable? Not entirely. Grover Norquist and the | | | | someone over at Skyjacker about having some of |
| other patriots down at the Americans for Tax | | | | my father's remains injected into the Platinum 9000 |
| Reform offices are hard at work doing away with | | | | Shocks I was going to get. No one seemed to take |
| the tyranny of the IRS. However, not even the tag | | | | me seriously. It's probably for the best, though. Who |
| team efforts of Newt Gingrich and Leo Strauss could | | | | knows what kind of havoc those little bits of bones |
| eliminate the natural act of bucket kicking. Faced with | | | | might reek on the wafer valving. |
| the unavoidable specter of death, the question that | | | | The installation took a couple of days, but that's |
| all of us must ask ourselves is how should we mourn | | | | because I was trying to work as reverentially as |
| the passing of our loved ones? Crying is unavoidable | | | | possible. For the finishing touch, I broke out my |
| at first. I'm not ashamed to admit that I bawled an | | | | Dremel and etched my dad's name, Ralph, into the |
| oil-drum's worth of tears the day that the Gipper left | | | | crossmember. He'd have been damn proud. And on |
| us for that big movie set in the sky. But what comes | | | | the maiden voyage, I drove my mobile memorial |
| next? | | | | over to the lakefront promenade for a couple of |
| When my father passed, I couldn't get out of bed | | | | laps. Thanks to the 5" of extra ground clearance, |
| for three days. I just laid on my side sobbing and my | | | | hopping the parking lot curb was child's play. Even on |
| only nourishment came from Nutella and Gatorade. | | | | the stairs leading down to the walkway, the shocks |
| One idea kept running through my mind as I was | | | | didn't fade or foam out. It was like dad's spirit was |
| holed up-I couldn't let my pa be forgotten. When I | | | | buttressing my every maneuver. |
| re-emerged, I knew exactly what I could do to | | | | I am a man who thrives on tradition, and I plan on |
| immortalize my old man. I would lift my rig in his | | | | championing this new custom. For example, I really |
| honor. Sure, I could have donated a marble bench in | | | | could use some steering stabilizers and a set of |
| his honor down along the lakefront promenade | | | | desert tires, and I have a couple of ill aunts out on |
| where he used to love to stroll. But I couldn't | | | | the East Coast who I'm sure would appreciate being |
| stomach the idea of all those strangers plopping their | | | | venerated in my chassis. Everyone wins. |
| rears down on the everlasting memorial to the man | | | | |