| Your self confidence affects just about everything in | | | | just about anyone else on the planet. An important |
| your life. How well you get along with people, your | | | | point to remember is that the best model is one you |
| relationships with friends and family, as well as your | | | | like and you are able to adapt your own personality |
| job opportunities are all directly affected by how | | | | to. |
| confident you feel about yourself. In fact, how | | | | Once you have someone to model its time for step |
| confident you feel affects how well you enjoy your | | | | five. |
| life! | | | | 5. Visualize Your Success |
| People that don't feel good about themselves, people | | | | From master pianists to NASCAR drivers, all people |
| that lack self confidence, can find the prospect of a | | | | who are good at something have one thing in |
| job interview terrifying. They experience poor | | | | common, they practice. If you want to be good at |
| relationships, if they have any real relationships at all. | | | | talking in front of people you have to practice. If you |
| They find themselves in constant fear of losing their | | | | want to be good at conversing in social situations |
| jobs because they aren't able to express themselves | | | | you have to practice. Of course if you go about |
| in front of their boss of in group situations. | | | | whatever you want to do without rehearsing it can |
| Socially these people also struggle. How can they find | | | | be quite nerve wracking. In fact if you try something |
| someone to go out with when the mere idea of | | | | that you are not good at yet and fail completely it is |
| meeting new people petrifies them? Social events | | | | possible your progress might be set back indefinitely. |
| and encounters are painful illustrations of their lack of | | | | So how can you prepare for a successful outcome? |
| confidence. | | | | You can visualize your success in the theater of your |
| Life doesn't have to be like this. With a change in | | | | mind. Let's say you want to be able to speak up at |
| perspective, a little help and some work, you can | | | | business meetings. Find a place where you can sit or |
| have the self confidence you desire. Here are seven | | | | lie down comfortably without being disturbed. Now |
| simple steps to help you develop more self | | | | relax. Use some progressive muscle relation or just |
| confidence. | | | | tell yourself I am relaxed and calm, relaxed and calm, |
| 1. Decide to make a Change | | | | over and over again until you are relaxed and calm. |
| Once they've decided, nearly everyone finds making | | | | Now play a movie in your mind of how you would |
| a change easier. Every change I've ever made, from | | | | like for the events to transpire. Make the movie as |
| getting in shape to learning how to be more | | | | vivid and clear as possible. Use your imagination to |
| personable, has been a result of deciding to make | | | | see the details, hear the voices and other sounds in |
| that change. All changes are relatively easy once | | | | the room. Feel how you would sit. Then in your mind |
| you've decided to make them. So if you think you'd | | | | address the group as if you already had the |
| like to be more confident, make the decision to be | | | | confidence you are striving to develop. Notice how |
| more confident today. That leads us to step number | | | | you appear, how your heart beats, how you breathe. |
| two. | | | | Make the adjustments necessary to achieve the |
| 2. Why is it Important to You? | | | | outcome you desire. If you are having problems |
| Once you've made a decision to change, in this case | | | | seeing yourself accomplishing the task(s) well, focus |
| deciding to become more confident, its time to figure | | | | on the why, the potential benefits you'll get from |
| out why it's important to you. Why specifically do | | | | achieving your goal. Practice over and over again until |
| you want more confidence? Is it so that you can | | | | you have that image etched firmly in your mind. |
| speak up in meetings at work? Is it so that you'll be | | | | Once you've practiced with visualization it's time for |
| able to meet someone to go out with? Is it so you'll | | | | step six. |
| be able to learn better at school or play a sport | | | | 6. Go Do It |
| better? Whatever it is you need to understand and | | | | You've decided to change. You know the reason(s) |
| define it so that you can motivate yourself with it. | | | | you want to change. You know your motivation. You |
| This leads to step three. | | | | have a model and you've prepared in the theater of |
| 3. Make it a Goal | | | | your mind. Now its time to give it a try. If what you |
| Here's where the rubber meets the road. Many | | | | want to do is speak in your business meetings at |
| people know they need to change and decide to | | | | work, give it a try. Even if it's only a few words or |
| change. They know what result they want out of | | | | to comment on someone else's comments, as long |
| the change but they don't make it a goal. They wish | | | | as you are doing something that is moving you |
| their life would change, they think their life should | | | | toward your goal, just do it. If you are looking to |
| change but they don't take the steps needed to | | | | meet more people you might start by smiling at |
| make the change. When you make a goal you not | | | | people you meet and saying "hi". You will become |
| only decide what you want your outcome to be but | | | | more confident through the process of stretching |
| you also figure out the steps you will need to do to | | | | yourself. This will move you toward your goals. |
| achieve it. | | | | Now that you've actually done what you set out to |
| Now this can't be merely a mental exercise. In order | | | | accomplish its time for the final seventh step. |
| to make your goal achievable you need to write | | | | 7. Decide that Everything is Feedback |
| down your outcome. Once you've written down your | | | | When we start new things, from playing a new sport |
| outcome you need to write down the steps you | | | | to meeting new people, we are not going to be |
| need to do to achieve it. Writing down your goal and | | | | excellent at it from the very start. Everything takes |
| the steps you need to achieve it does two things for | | | | practice. When you do something you are not good |
| you. First it makes your goal a real tangible thing | | | | at (yet) you are stretching yourself, you feel |
| instead of merely a dream. Second, writing down the | | | | uncomfortable and you will make some mistakes. |
| steps gives you the ability to make corrections as | | | | Developing confidence in whatever it is you want to |
| necessary to help you stay on track. | | | | develop it in will also take practice. And just like |
| For example your outcome is to be able to speak up | | | | learning anything, you will sometimes do things that |
| more in business meetings. Your outcome might be "I | | | | you may not have preferred to do if you were |
| will express my opinion in every business meeting." | | | | "perfect" at it. You will make some mistakes. |
| The steps you might outline to achieving this goal | | | | When that happens remind yourself that mistakes |
| might be: | | | | are the way we all learn. A mistake is not failure, it is |
| 1. Prepare for meetings and know what topics are | | | | merely feedback. By calling it feedback you have |
| going to be discussed. | | | | re-framed or redefined your results. |
| 2. Talk to someone or find someone to model who | | | | So from now on instead of thinking of having "failed" |
| speaks well at meetings you attend. (see step 4) | | | | when things don't work out "right" merely observe |
| 3. Prepare a one-line comment on one of the topics. | | | | what happens and call them "results". Understand the |
| 4. Practice what you will say in the theater of your | | | | feedback you have been given by your results and |
| mind (see step 5) | | | | apply it to approaching your task differently the next |
| 5. Express your comment at the meeting. | | | | time. The key is to remember that no matter what |
| Now you have a goal that is achievable you might | | | | results you achieve, when you define them as |
| need some help. So that leads us to step 4. | | | | feedback, they become either actions you want to |
| 4. Find Someone to Model | | | | do again or actions you don't want to do again. You |
| From the time we are babies we model other | | | | now are experiencing feedback instead of failure. |
| people's actions and behaviors. Have you ever done | | | | Once you start seeing your results as feedback you'll |
| something and after noticing what you've done said | | | | begin adjusting your actions to match what you want |
| to yourself, "That is exactly what my mother/father | | | | to achieve. This will help you persist until you achieve |
| would have done?" That is a form of modeling, just | | | | your desired outcome. If you are committed to this |
| at an unconscious level. | | | | process you will be able to build life long confidence in |
| A more empowering form of modeling is when you | | | | any area of your life. |
| find someone that has the characteristic(s) you want | | | | So let's review the seven steps. |
| to have and purposefully model it. If you want to be | | | | 1. Decide to change. |
| able to speak well in front of groups, find someone | | | | 2. Decide why it's Important |
| who is good at speaking in front of groups and | | | | 3. Understand Your Motivation |
| model her behavior. See how she stands, how she | | | | 4. Find Someone to Model |
| holds her head, how she speaks and uses her hands. | | | | 5. Visualize Success |
| If you are a man looking for a way to meet women, | | | | 6. Go Do It |
| find a man who is already good at meeting women | | | | 7. Decide that Everything is Feedback |
| and model his behavior. What does he say? How | | | | That's it, seven simple steps that can move you |
| does he dress? What are his mannerisms? | | | | toward confidence in any area of you life. Seven |
| Whatever it is, there are lots of models to choose | | | | easy steps toward achieving more out of life. So |
| from. They include friends, acquaintances, family | | | | what are you waiting for? Why not start on your life |
| members, professional coaches, training videos and | | | | long confidence journey today? |