| A friend asked me, "What is grief,
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| | Confusion/Disorientation I felt left out,
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| exactly?"
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| | unaware of anything but myself. I often
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| I gave him the simple answer: "Grief is
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| | felt quite superior that I knew things
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| the natural response of a body and mind
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| | others did not. I was unable to read well
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| to a traumatic loss." But, I realized
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| | or drive a car reliably for several
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| that definition doesn't help anyone who
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| | weeks.
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| has not grieved really understand grief,
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| | Denial Like shock, denial cushions us
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| nor does it alleviate grief for anyone
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| | from what we cannot handle. Eventually
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| experiencing it. Whether we care about
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| | denial can make us prisoners of our
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| our own or someone else's grief, we must
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| | grief, so we may need to seek help to
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| study the process and its symptoms to be
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| | face reality and suffer the pain of it.
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| helpful.
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| | Anxiety I fought anxiety with massage,
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| Symptoms can include feelings of despair,
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| | exercise and an occasional pill, but
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| depression, hopelessness, helplessness,
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| | often I lost the battle. In a pre-dawn
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| disorientation, confusion, anxiety,
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| | panic attack, I knew I was dying just as
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| anger, lethargy and fatigue. It's not
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| | my husband had months earlier.
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| unusual, though, to also include periods
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| | Anger Few escape anger for having been
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| of elation, smugness and wittiness. We
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| | left alone, for having too much to do;
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| who have grieved also might warn that we
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| | for poor record-keeping, etc. Once I
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| have difficulties concentrating,
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| | learned anger was actually normal, I
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| calculating, making decisions, reading
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| | found many reasons to be angry.
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| and comprehending, especially at first.
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| | Guilt Nearly all survivors suffer guilt,
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| We also show unstable and erratic
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| | most without real cause. Even those with
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| emotions, eating patterns and sleep
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| | good reason to feel guilty must work
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| habits for months or even years. We can
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| | through these feelings so they can move
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| seem pretty odd, but I encourage everyone
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| | forward. Guilt is destructive, never
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| to learn and be patient, because someday
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| | helpful. Depression
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| they may walk in our shoes. Understanding
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| | Having nursed friends through depression,
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| Grief's Stages
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| | I knew enough to have anti-depressants to
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| We need to learn about grief's stages, so
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| | take at the first sign of losing control.
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| we can recognize appropriate behaviors
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| | I watched myself carefully. I urge others
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| and know how and when to reach out with
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| | to seek help if they have a single
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| help for others or seek it for ourselves.
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| | thought of suicide or abuse of others. I
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| Authorities disagree on the number and
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| | tell them to say over and over, "I need
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| names of the stages, as well as why the
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| | help," until they get it.
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| stages differ so widely from person to
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| | Cockiness Although not included in most
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| person. Most do agree that widowhood and
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| | lists of stages, many go through periods
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| loss of a child trigger the most profound
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| | of cockiness. I felt alert, capable and
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| grief, and the highest levels of stress.
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| | in control, and I knew grief wouldn't get
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| Grief follows no set pattern, but it
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| | me down. A little bit is okay, but it
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| moves through stages, with erratic
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| | isn't real.
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| symptoms often appearing without warning.
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| | Acceptance This is the "carrot" that
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| Major variations can occur because of the
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| | leads us on in this race with reality. We
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| loss itself, whether the griever
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| | must accept our husband's or child's
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| witnessed the death, and personal
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| | death as real and final, but we also must
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| characteristics such as personality, age,
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| | accept our life alone as real and as a
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| independence, spirituality, and training.
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| | new opportunity.
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| My only advice is: Never judge a griever
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| | We all wish we could skip right to
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| by your own experience or someone elses.
| |
| | Acceptance, but it's the lessons learned
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| We are each unique.. Stages of Grief
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| | in other stages that make acceptance
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| Shock/Numbness My own period of shock
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| | possible. Don't rush the process; be
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| felt like being inside a protective
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| | patient. Grief is complex and varied, but
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| bubble, tumbling through my nightmare as
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| | it touches us all. We must all learn
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| a remote observer. I walked and talked
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| | about its basics so we can better help
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| and faked life, but I wasn't actively
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| | ourselves or others.
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| engaged.
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|
